Further Light and Knowledge

A couple of observations after playing a round or Apples to Apples tonight.

The word in the middle to match was "Honest".

I threw out "Fortune Tellers" as a kind funny joke to make people laugh. It worked. People laughed and mocked fortune tellers. My TBM dh said "they are the opposite of honest".

Which made me think about Patriarchs. Aren't they the mormon version of fortune tellers?

Also- just the word "Patriarch" as I'm typing got me thinking how weird it is that such a word is used in so freely in the mormon culture. Nothing could show 'patriarchy' more than that title.

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What other people think about me is none of my business.

I never got my Patriarchal blessing simply because it always seemed to me to be too much like fortune telling and I always got the impression that was a big no no in Mormonism. Felt quite hypocritical actually. I guess if it's an old guy doing it for free it's okay?

Fortune-teller: creepy crone-like old woman who tells you vague things about your possible/potential future, good or bad, that may or may not come true.

Patriarch: creepy grand-fatherly-like old man who tells you vague things about your possible/potential future (mostly good) that are dependent upon your faithfulness or faithlessness to mormonism.

Pretty similar. My patriarchal blessing was lame. I was expecting a whole lot more out of it, but all the dude did was tell me if I stayed faithful that I'd be blessed with a mission, a family, that I have the heart of a teacher. 90% of the blessing, you could tell, was basically a form letter that he probably had memorized after his 45th patriarchal blessing. My mom cried and I was starving from fasting so I barely paid attention. My wife felt like hers was a huge disappointment too, especially since she had to drive 200 miles to get it and he basically didn't tell her anything special, not even what "tribe" she was from (we were all hoping something cool since she's from an obscure asian ethnic group that has some similar cultural practices to judaism... but not really).

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I'm not sorry, I like to get laid. --Mercury

I took roughly 1/3 of my available vacation for the year to chase 12- and 13-year old boys through the woods. --Mcarp

When I was a kid I always felt very uneasy about the idea of church Patriarchs. Almost to the point that I was scared of them. Not the men themselves, but the calling. Okay, what I was really scared of was the idea that I might ever be called as a patriarch.

I think it's because in any other calling of the church, all the way up to the prophet himself, you can get by on your best judgement, and convince yourself that your decisions are somehow inspired of God. Even when you give a blessing, which is supposed to be inspired, you can speak in generalities and feel confident that you are saying what God would want you to say.

But the stake Patriarch has to tell you what tribe you are from, and there's no way to articulate that in warm fuzzies. So either he receives an unambiguous revelation from God, or he has to make it up or guess.

That freaked me out. Even at my most believing, when I firmly believed that I had felt spiritual manifestations confirming my beliefs were true, I had to admit that I had never heard an audible voice or felt such an articulated thought (as would be necessary to name one of 13 tribes) enter my mind that wasn't my own. In short, I could not do what the patriarchs do. And if they were faking it, I could not do that either, and bear the guilt. They were either more worthy and in tune with the spirit than I could ever imagine being, or else they were more cynical and dishonest than I could ever imagine being. Either way, the existence of patriarchs was a continual reminder that God was not talking to me.

Maybe we can get a Patriarch to try this

http://www.randi.org/site/index.php/1m-challenge/challenge-faq.html

The James Randi Educational Foundation(JREF) has a million dollars to pay to anyone who has demonstrated paranormal powers. Maybe they could enter the contest and win.

My PB indicates I am a special spirit, held back until the latter days and warns that if I'm not totally diligent that I'll be deceived by Satan and "lose my precious testimony"

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It's good to talk about these things and to sort out the messed up mindfuck we were in.
- SIMS

Like I said PBs are form letters. They all say basically the same thing and it's all predicated upon your faithfulness.

ETA: why else would the church encourage you NOT to share them with others? Forget the sacredness, they just don't want you to say, "WHAT THE FUCK? Mine says the same thing! Just worded slightly different."

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I'm not sorry, I like to get laid. --Mercury

I took roughly 1/3 of my available vacation for the year to chase 12- and 13-year old boys through the woods. --Mcarp

Have to say that I've been to both a fortune teller and the patriarch and unless something WACKY happens wherein I hit my head really, really hard and am reunited with my to-begin-with-less-than-perfect-faith, I am NOT going to be getting any of the Grants, NM Stake Patriarch's promises and blessings for me. Those included a prophesying son, a front-row seat at the second coming of Christ and a Sony 52" flat-screen television.

Now, the fortune teller figured out a few things about me and gave me some sage guidance...she rightly picked up on the fact that during the time I sat in front of her I was in a lot of emotional pain (She said that in a year I wouldn't be hurting so badly...ding, ding she was right about that one), she rightly picked up on the fact that I had a secret crush on the person sitting next to me at the reading (she told me to take everything slowly and be patient...that didn't go so well, initially, but I think I managed to fix it before it went pear-shaped), and she said that if I applied myself I could achieve anything I set out to do (hey, that was a nice bit of advice, too).

Cost of blessings and promises from stake patriarch: 10% of all gifts and pocket money, between the ages of 8 and 14 and 100% guilt and anxiety.

Cost for 15 minutes' worth of helpful advice and a shove in the right direction from the fortune teller: £20. BARGAIN!

Do psychotherapists get tossed into this comparison?

If so, Sylvia is worth every penny of my discounted $165 hourly rate. Just wish I could be with her more often. She's the only person on earth - except maybe one here and one at home - who make me feel like I'm actually loved and appreciated.

But, for $165 an hour, she damn sure better be convincing me she likes me, eh?

I know my PB is fake b/c it never says anything about me being a total prick and not giving a damn about it.

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It's good to talk about these things and to sort out the messed up mindfuck we were in.
- SIMS

Never got my patriarchal blessing. I was always a bit skeptical about the process. Then I would start feeling bad about being skeptical. Then I would feel unworthy for being skeptical. And then I finally left.

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A Post-Mormon Life: http://postmormongirl.blogspot.com

Fortune Tellers and Patriarchs both use "cold reading" techniques to give you something to latch onto mentally. For more information:

http://www.randi.org/library/coldreading/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vwy4yB8cSwE

http://www.ohnopodcast.com/investigatio ... s-win.html

I would be curious to find out what kind of information/training the Church gives patriarchs.

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A Post-Mormon Life: http://postmormongirl.blogspot.com

My FIL has been a patriarch for about 5 years now. (Is also a temple sealer, former stake president, etc.)

The training consists of sitting in a meeting with a member of the Seventy and reading selected blessings given by other patriarchs. I kid you not. That's it.

I think the first year as a patriarch was as close as my FIL will ever get to a crisis of faith. He just expected the heavenly bat-phone to ring and tell him what to say. When he started drawing a blank he was really confused. I think now he's just gotten better at making shit up.

When I went in for mine, I was skeptical but enough of a believer to fast and pray beforehand. I remember when he was talking to me beforehand and asking what my interests were, I had a fleeting thought to fib to see if he had the power of discernment. Of course I didn't.

At the time of my PB, I knew exactly where I was planning on going as far as a career and in fact graduated with that degree. So, what a surprise that in the PB it never mentioned that career by name, but did allude to many traits of that job.

I was definitely disappointed, not excited. Maybe because I was so sure of what I was planning on doing, I was hoping for more details about other parts of my life. I did find out what tribe I was from, but I can't remember now and I have no clue where my PB is. For some reason "Ephraim" comes to mind. Big woop.

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What other people think about me is none of my business.

Your poor FIL. I remember being called as Mia Maid president and being told to "pray about who would make a good first and second counselor and secretary". I did and got nothing, which was very demoralizing. So then I just picked my friends. I can only imagine what it would be like to be called to a position where you genuinely expect to be receiving guidance from God and then come up empty.

What do you suppose is going on in the minds of the GAs? Do you think they really believe?

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A Post-Mormon Life: http://postmormongirl.blogspot.com