Further Light and Knowledge

Hey there,

28 years old, married for 8 years, have a 3 year old girl and 4 year old boy, and left the church 6 months ago. Luckily my wife has never been a huge fan of the church so she was very supportive. Unfortunately I was pretty damn brainwashed for 20+ years and want a lot of that time back. I guess I'm kind of going through a quarter life crisis, or identity crisis. for the longest time, the church's teachings were who I was, and I always represented the church the best I could.

Now that I've left that cult behind, who am I? Why am I having so many "what if's" run through my brain. I feel like I lost out on so much in my early and pre-teen years, all the experiences that my friends had passed me by because "the lord had different plans for me"

I was told to get on here and start venting, because I have a lot of anger directed at the church and nowhere to go with it, I hope that's cool.

DannyBoy, you're still young. I was so much older than you before I found out. You still have lots of time to rediscover the world. Don't look back! This is going to be so much fun for you -- like falling in love again. And it's not too late for your kids either; they haven't been as brainwashed. And your wife is with you on this. You are in an enviable spot. Enjoy it here; get your anger out, but don't linger long; there's so much to do now that you have all this extra time and money that the church no longer has claim to.

Yeah, I was just on the far side of 40 when it all finally crystallized for me and I said enough. It had been a long time coming, and if I'd had the courage or the emotional energy, or the sense that there was support, I'd have left a good 12-15 years earlier than I did. Thank Spider Pig for the internet. Just think - you've got the rest of your 20s and all your 30s, 40s and beyond. I get being pissed over what you lost, but you'll be able to salvage SOO much more life time than some of us. Mrs. D speaks truth. Do what you have to to metabolize your (highly justified) anger and spend some time finding out who your are and who you choose to be (you get to CHOOSE!) without the church distorting that. But don't let the church steal any more of your life.

I'm not trying to minimize what you've lost and you should go through all the stages of processing that loss just as you need to. But again, you are in an enviable position in lots of ways. Revel in that!

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The apple cannot be stuck back on the Tree of Knowledge; once we begin to see, we are doomed and challenged to seek the strength to see more, not less. ~ Arthur Miller

Welcome Dannyboy - we've all been where you are right now. My advice is to take it slow - really think about what you believe in life and what your own (non-fear based) values are. And the pain will soften, although this can be a lifelong process. I left when I was seventeen - ten years later I am still sorting stuff out. But I can honestly say that my life is a hundred times better than what it was in the church.

Good luck and don't be afraid to vent - sometimes you just need to vocalize all this crap.

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A Post-Mormon Life: http://postmormongirl.blogspot.com