Further Light and Knowledge

The little white bible. If you know about Mormon missionary culture you’ll be familiar with it. It’s a small book that fits inside a standard shirt pocket and is, as the name suggests, white. It’s really called the Missionary Handbook, but no one called it that. It contains a list of rules for missionaries to follow. Think of it as missionary commandants. Lots of “Thou shalts” and “Thou shalt nots”. I was told that the rules were inspired of god and given to missionaries to keep them out of trouble, and pure in the sight of the lord. Rules like: Never be alone with a member of the opposite sex; never go swimming. Honestly, I don’t remember hardly any of the contents of that book, even though I was supposed to read from it everyday. I do remember one rule that came from a supplement to the little white bible that pertained to conduct at the Missionary Training Center (MTC) in Provo, Utah. “Always pass the pepper with the salt.” I must have been about 4 weeks in to my stay at the MTC when I stumbled across this commandment. Always pass the pepper with the salt. This here, this is divine inspiration. Jesus, himself, wants pepper passed with salt, and I haven’t been doing it! Sweet baby Jesus and his afterbirth! My performance as a missionary would be jeopardized if I didn’t obey all the rules in the little white bible. Pepper and salt passed together, or failure. But, what if I was asked to pass the salt and there was no pepper near by? Was I then obligated to refuse a salt passing request?

Salt, please.

Sorry, there’s no pepper.

I think you misheard me; please, pass the salt.

I can’t do that there’s no pepper.

I didn’t ask for pepper. I asked for salt.

But there’s no pepper…

Look Elder, are you thick or something? Pass. Me. The Salt. S. A. L. T. Salt.

Can’t.

Can’t? Can’t why?

Jesus said.

Jesus said I can’t have salt?!

No. Jesus doesn’t want anyone passing salt, without pepper.

……oooookay… Look, frak it. I’ll just get it myself.

There are no exceptions listed. If salt is passed; so must pepper. If the pepper shaker was empty or missing: no salt passing. I guess you could pass the pepper without the salt. The salt would remain unable to be passed until the pepper was returned. Maybe Jesus intended to say “Always pass the salt and pepper, together”, and the prophet was only half listening.

Right, right Jez.

No. I’m listening.

Pepper passed with salt. Got it.

No, I’m writing it down right now.

Is this seriously in the White Bible? Really? Not that I doubt there could be a dumb-ass rule like that in there... must be part of the "raising the bar" program. [eta] But that is freakin' hilarious!

fh451

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Big doubt, big awakening
Small doubt, small awakening
No doubt, no awakening

It was part of a supplement given to each missionary at the MTC and specifically covered conduct at the MTC. We were told to treat this as part of the LWB.

Gotta love those appearance-keeping and micromanaging "commandments".

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Fear will keep the local systems in line.

I can proudly announce that I broke every rule in the little white book , except the following ....

You must sleep in the same room as your companion ,, but not in the same bed.

What's so obvious to me now is that the most of the rules were clearly derived by bean counters and intended to mitigate risk. It's not revelation, it's actuarial tables.


That rule was on page 25 in our version. I remember because we liked to use "page 25er" as an insult. God, we were clever.

We laughed at the rule to "ride side-by-side" in Taiwan. On those roads, not riding single file was a good way to get killed.

Sometimes, the elder in front would yell back, "You aren't fornicating back there, are you, elder?"


In retrospect, I don't remember if that one was in the white bible or the supplement our mission handed out. We had a lot of specific stuff. We even made our own nametags, instead of using the church ones.

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I reject your reality and substitute a Star Trek episode of my own choosing.

The funny thing is, the reason for this rule was probably just so that the MTC cafeteria folks could keep the salt and pepper together, so that the shakers wouldn't get separated or something. I can imagine someone in charge of cafeteria requisition complaining to the MTC president that they keep losing individual shakers and having to replace them. So, to cut costs, the powers-that-be invent the rule, which conveniently in Mormonism translates a random need of the church into a Commandment of God.

Or maybe someone higher up just thought it was bad manners for missionaries to pass one without the others, and he complained about it to the MTC president. Who knows? It could have been any one of a number of burrs-up-the-ass that Mormon leaders get lodged in there from time to time.

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"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge." -- Charles Darwin

OH. MY. FUCKING. FUCKSTER.

My poor, poor nephew who thinks for himself, yet wants to go on a mission. But he'll be okay, because he just won't give a damn.

Kind of like when the temple president's wife decides no one should wear cowboy boots to the temple?

I broke it, but not in THAT way. we had a two bedroom apartment and each had our own room. We were called to repentance though when the ZL's came over.

IMO, this is a ridiculous and petty rule. If there were two bedrooms available, then it would probably help two people sleep better if each had his own room. It's these arbitrary rules. made for no particular reason, that greatly damage any credibility that an MP might have.

That's not just some arbitrary MP. That's an arbitrary churchwide rule for missionaries. I think the idea is to eliminate privacy as much as possible in order to discourage masturbating... or something.

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The apple cannot be stuck back on the Tree of Knowledge; once we begin to see, we are doomed and challenged to seek the strength to see more, not less. ~ Arthur Miller

Oh, I think we all know the reason behind this particular rule--Uncle Boyd says no night shifts at the little factory.

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"Let go of what you know and honor what exists."--David Bazan

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