<snip>I never had a choice to go to church it was what was expected of me. Mormonism goes back in my family for generations.<snip>
Welcome! Sit down on the couch over there, I'm sure you can find a spot. Luckily in our Foyer here, the couches are rather comfortable, unlike the ugly, green, nasty ones that were in the Foyers of our youth. Like yourself, quite a few of us here also had the "bar" we had to meet regarding church attendance in our youth. Also, you would be surprised at some of the connections of some of us here in our lineage regarding Mormon ancestry. You are among friends here.
<snip> Although to the rest of the world I look like a perfect angel... to them I am "unworthy". I have come to terms, for the most part, that they won't accept me for who I have chosen to be. I think with it being so ingrained in me that I am "unworthy".. that somewhere deep down that's what I believe is that I am a worthless human being.
Believe me, you are not a worthless human being. None of us here are. I know it is so much easier for one to say it to another, and not to ones self, but it's true. I deal with this daily also, and I suspect a good number of others here still do. The brainwashing of the cult, and yes, Mormonism is a cult, has led people like you and I to believe that we are worthless and undeserving of unconditional love and respect.
This is very damaging to ones own self perception, and is a despicable thing the church does. Unless you pay, pray, and obey, you are unworthy, and less than in the sight of your family, friends, and a bronze age sky daddy. Sickening.
Growing up I never felt like I fit into the Mormon religion. Even though I lived and breathed it. I just was not given the option to choose this for my life. Well I guess I did have a choice when I was 8yrs old and my bishop asked me "do you want to be baptized?"
Logically I can tell myself that I have moved on from Mormonism.. but I still think subconsciously it affects my everyday life and how I feel about myself.<snip>
I know that for myself growing up in the church I never felt like I fit in and would bend over backwards at times for acceptance. Now that I look back on it, I find it disturbing that one would be less than true to ones self. This combined with the "option" of getting baptized at age 8 amongst all the other expectations of being a youth member of the church can be daunting.
You are absolutely right when you say that you can logically tell yourself you have moved on but it still affects you. It, Mormonism, is a piece of you, of me, of all of us here. What matters now is how we accept that and move on from what we were a part of that we now recognize as damaging and how we can better ourselves and spread a little love and peace to those around us and most importantly to yourself.
Glad you've made it this far.