Tibber. You know I love you to death, so here's my advice:
The worst thing to do to a semi-rebellious teen is crack down on them.
Here's the deal. She's going to do all of this whether you want her to or not. Locking her down isn't going to prevent it and will only position her to resent you for it.
What I would do: Talk to her. No email messages, no notes, not beating around the bush. Sit her down and have an open, honest, calm, open, even-toned, calm, open conversation. Don't tell her that you know all of this, especially that you snooped, even though it was perfectly within your right to do this, if you want her to come to you and talk to you. You and I both know where this is going to end up for her, most likely. So why not work on building a trust relationship with her?
-I'm gonna dress like god's personal slut (my favorite [[shudder]])
"Daughter, I love that you want to express yourself. I want you to be able to do this. I only ask you to keep in mind that I was a teenaged boy once and I know what every teenaged boy wants. I'm not trying imply that anything bad will happen to you if you decide you want to show more skin than I'm comfortable with. But I would really be sad if something does happen to you and it is because some boy thought that because you dress showing skin it was an open invitation to take advantage of you. I hope that I never have to be in that position and, more importantly, that you never have to be in that situation."
-lost my v-card (someone's going to lose a penis, this is her bragging to a high-school guy on 'Pinger')
"Daughter, you're getting to the age where you're going to be more and more interested in sex. And guess what? That's OK. Sex is great, but it's even better when you know how to protect yourself. I'm not saying that I'm OK with the idea of you having sex with every boy that you see. I pray to Odin that you don't. But, I want to help you out as much as I can and to do that, I'm going to give you the tools that I wish my parents had given me when I was your age. I would like to schedule an appointment with our family physician for you to meet with him and to get a prescription for birth control pills. I am too young to be a grandparent. I would much rather wait to see you finish high school and college, find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, marry them and start a family together.
I am also going to buy a box of condoms and keep them in such-and-such drawer. It will always be stocked. If you choose to have sex, please be smart and use them. As a nurse/student, I have seen the effects that STD's have on a person and I don't want that to happen to you. These are not things to be messed with.
However, if you choose to have unprotected sex, please be smart and have yourself tested frequently. I am more than happy to take you to the Dr periodically for you to be tested. I won't pry nor will I ask questions. I am just interested in your health and well-being."
-FUCK FUCK MOTHERFUCKER! (hmmm)
Fowl language I wouldn't worry about.
-I drink all the time (likely not true, I keep pretty strict tabs on the hard liquor and if she is it's teeny tiny micro sips: bragging again)
"Daughter, I have been reading up on teen drinking and I'll be honest: I'm scared for you. I don't know if you've been drinking outside of the amounts that we give you. I hope not. Alcohol is a drug just like pot, crack, meth, and heroin. It's dangerous, more so for children and teenagers than adults because adults tend to know their limits better than kids do.
If you are partying and drinking alcohol or doing drugs, please promise that you'll NEVER get behind the wheel while intoxicated and that you'll NEVER get into a vehicle being operated by someone who is intoxicated. I've seen too many horrors caused by this combination.
Daughter, please believe me when I say that there is
a connection between drinking/doing drugs, wearing revealing clothing and rape. It's very real. I don't tell you this to scare you, but to plant the seed in your mind that it does happen and that this is a very dangerous combination. I don't ever want to get the phone call saying that you've been injured in any way as result of your partying.
Above all of this, if you're EVER in a situation where you are needing a ride home because you've been partying, please call me. I will come get you no matter where you and make sure that you get safely home. This is so very important to me."
-I occasionally smoke weed (also likely not true, unless she's doing it while she's at sleep overs with a particular friend: again bragging)
Same as above. The positive to weed is that it's MUCH less dangerous than other drugs or alcohol. Truth be told, I would much rather my kids smoke weed than drink. You can't OD and kill yourself smoking weed. So for me, this isn't as big of a deal.
-my parents are lame and overprotective (we knew that already but apparently we're not protective enough)
"Daughter, I'm sure you feel that your mother and I are overprotective of you. And you're right. We are. And as lame as it sounds, it because we love you so much and we don't want anything bad to happen to you. We also understand that you have to be able to make your own choices and make your own mistakes. It will happen. I just want to convey that no matter what, your mother and I will be here for you and we'll support you. We want the best for you and we both realize that sometimes the best thing to do is to let you make your mistakes and help you learn from them. So that what we'll do. We are going to try and we are asking for help in relieving our fear that something bad is going to happen. We're willing to loosen the apron strings a little with the hope that you're willing to talk to us about your life. Let us help you."
All in all, Tibber, the best thing that you can do for your daughter is to show her that having open communication will be a positive thing for her. She's going to rebel, but if she doesn't feel like you're going to punish her for everything, she'll start to open up. That's not to say that there shouldn't be consequences, but I don't think there's reason to be a hard ass about it.
Keep the lines of communication open with her. Talk to her about sex, drugs and alcohol. The less taboo a subject becomes, the less of mystery it is to her and the less appealing it will be to her. It might take some time, but she'll start to recognize that she can
talk to you about this stuff and she'll be comfortable with it. My guess is that eventually she'll tell her friends "You know, my parents are really cool. I can talk to them about stuff without feeling like they are judging me or trying to force me into a mold." And, my guess is that she'll eventually stop drinking and doing weed because she'll respect you enough that she wouldn't want to worry you.
Feel free to take this or leave it. I don't have any teenagers, but I do have a 15 year-old sister and I'm not afraid to talk to her about this stuff. She needs to hear it from someone that she trusts. Just like your daughter does.