Further Light and Knowledge

of the world. Hello all. I am an American from Utah living in Japan with my Japanese wife and 5 kids. I was BIC, RM, sealed in the temple, active active active all my life until last year in May when I finally quit.

I love to read and I love history. I guess my study of the church and church history started on my mission. It was then that I also came across antimormon writings. But most of them were of the Ed Decker variety and didn't hold much weight with me since he often exaggerates his claims. But I continued to study and read after my mission. I became the person to ask about history or church doctine. I just ate it up. But finally I had read most of the "faithful history" and started to read anti stuff to counter it. It was easy in the early days with only minor doubts. I also read all the fundie writing that I could find. I found most of Ogden Kraut's books online and read them. I then started to have some doubts about the modern church. The fundamentalist did seem to have some good points. Then I bought the "New Mormon Studies CD". I read many of the books on it. Mostly from Signature books. The CD also contained years of back issues of Sunstone and Dialoge. I just devoured all of this for a couple of years. By this time I had some dents and bumps in my testimony but have been BIC I was pretty deeply indoctrinated.

Also about this time my Japanese wife told be that she didn't believe the church was true. She said that she had thought that the church taught some good teachings and that she had never really had a testimony. This shocked me and I kind of rekindled my testimony. I tried to get my wife to believe. She said that she would still go to church and everything and support my beliefs with the kids.

But over time the small branch we attended here in Japan started to become stressful and everyone had to be president of something. And about this time my oldest started Jr High and she had club on Sundays and my wife would often stay home with her. So I was taking the other children with me to church. My fie only attended once in a while and she now told me that she didn't want to attend and for the most part she didn't.

All during this time I was reading more books and participating in some forums. My favorite was the "View from the Foyer". I finally came to the point where I didn't believe the church was truth but I still believed in Christ etc. But over time this also faded as I put the bible, christianity and religion in general to the same tests that I had put mormonism too and it all came out empty. I still attended quite regularly and still taught EQ twice a week. But I was attending alone usually. I didn't believe anymore, my wife did not believe and didn't attend. I had nothing really holding me in the church. I was just scared. I was afraid I was wrong and the church really was true. One reason I was afraid I was wrong was that I had also been one of those radical conservative republicans. I had voted for Bo Gritz for president. I had believed many of the conspiracy theories, New world order and all that stuff. I had also been deeply interested in Alternative medicine. I actually purchased an herbal course and started to study and considered trying to become an herbal doctor or an acupucturist. But I am not one that stops studying. I always want more so I read more and deeper. And one by one the conspiracy theories fell apart. Many alternative health ideas were also exposed as nothing more than money making schemes or honest ideas of naive people. I found that if you started to investigate the authors and supporters of these wild ideas they were often quacks and not specialist in the fields.

Anyhow I didn't trust my judgement. A real turning point came when I read Grant Palmers book(I read it before my daughter entered Jr high). And while I didn't agree 100 percent with his analysis and I didn't read anything that I hadn't read before(other than the Golden Pot), it just put everything together in such a way that I could see every false base that the church was built upon. I was really depressed for a week or so after I read it. So I read it again. And then the world changed. I can't explain it but my world view just flipped. It was as if the fog was lifted from before my eyes. It was liberating and excited but frightening at the same time. I still didn't stop attenting for a few years though. I was too afraid to leave the church though. I actually gave the church one more chance but I just couldn't block out the glaring problems. I was always bringing up points that the SS teacher didn't like to answer.

Finally I decided to just take a break from church so I told the BP that I would not be teaching any more and that I didn't believe. I also requested no contact(and I have had none really) . But that was over a year ago and I just can't go back. I have no belief in God and would have to say I am an atheist or at least a hard agnostic. I don't pray and other then these forums I don't deal with the church. The biggest obstacle is my Family. They are all active except one brother. I haven't told them yet as I know it will devastate them. I still do have times when I worry about my decision but it is mostly just that I am a natural worrier.
That is my story so far. I haven't resigned yet but may in the future.
Japanguy

You are proof that being open minded might take you crazy place, but if you stay open minded it will always bring you back. ( from crazy? maybe we never really leave there actually... )

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it is truly a small population of people that do not seek control but are willing to accept the outcome of all things. - Mayan

Thanks for your story, Japanguy!
It strikes me how wonderful it is to recover one's judgement. I am also happy that your wife is with you.

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Love before loyalty, people before the organization, and principle before the tribe.
Main Street Plaza

Hey Japanguy - I'm totally impressed you have five kids in Japan! Sounds like things are going well for you now - awesome.

Welcome, Japanguy!

I was the first one to start to question too, and told my husband about it. He started reading soon after that and we both got our names off the rolls a couple of years later.

Congrats to you and your family on your new journey.

Thanks for all of the comments. And yes I often look back at some of my beliefs and think "What a wacko". I think that my problem was that I was too trusting and just didn't have good critical thinking skills. I would read books and just trust the words. They must be true since they were in a book. But when I read a book now I try to check the sources etc. and think for myself.
As for my wife leaving first, she probably never believed. She liked some of the churches teachings but she also was in love with my best friend. He was one of the missionaries that baptized her. She ended up going to the states to go to college and to see him. And I met her while they were dating. Then one day we whiched.

But I am happy that my wife and I are on the same page. And to be honest I probably would still be active in the church if she was still a believer. Or at least not as out as I am now. I respect those that have left on their own. It can be extremely hard on a marriage. When my wife told me she didn't believe I was shocked and I was depressed for a time. It scared me to think that she would not be with me in the next life. Luckily I had a few bumps in my testimony that led us in the same direction.

And yes having 5 children in Japan is a bit unusual. My kids are all good kids except for the fact that they don't speak enough English. We have lived here for 12 years now and they speak Japanese all day. I speak to them in English and they often answer in Japanese. They are just too Japanese now.

Great intro, Japanguy. Interesting story. I'm fascinated by the thought of living in another country and raising children multi-culturally. Five kids is a good number by anyone's standards! Whew! I'm impressed.

Your story of meeting your wife sounds interesting as well. I love hearing love stories.

Welcome.

sml

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"The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth." ~Kate Chopin, "The Awakening"

Welcome . . . that's a revealing story of discovering that all you've believed is pointless. I think that's something we've all found to one degree or another.

I'm interested in your life in Japan. What do you do, where do you live, etc. I've been to Japan several times and have loved it, but I was only in the immediate vicinity of some U.S. Air Force bases (and Tokyo of course).

Glad to see you here.

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- CV Rick
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Yes I guess that I did learn that a lot of what I believed was just BS. But I am happy that at least I now know it was BS.

I teach English here in Japan. I teach at 3 elementary schools. I teach each grade about once a week. I teach speaking and listening only. The BofE doesn't want me to teach writing and reading to much. They want the kids to learn to speak more. I have to create all of my own lesson plans which is quite stressful at times.

I live in Hyogo prefecture on a small island. It is about 30 miles long and varies in width. It is in the Japanese countryside.

And for sister Mary Lisa. We actually went on our first real date(we had been to a few movies before this) to the Manti Mormon Pageant. My now wife asked my friend to take her but he had to work and so he told her to ask me to take her. And on the way down we were talking and she told me that she wanted to break up with my friend but couldn't tell him. She just planned to break it off when she went back to Japan. I had been interested in her for a while but was to shy and too loyal to my friend. But with that info I became a bit braver and we eventually ended up together.

Japanguy, thanks for giving me further details. I'm glad you ended up together. I've always been fascinated by Japan, mostly from certain movies, and I think the country and its people are beautiful and special.

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"The bird that would soar above the level plain of tradition and prejudice must have strong wings. It is a sad spectacle to see the weaklings bruised, exhausted, fluttering back to earth." ~Kate Chopin, "The Awakening"

Hey Japanguy, Doumou. Hajimemashite!

Welcome. I'm not around here much, but being that you are in Japan, I was interested in your introduction.

I lived in Japan for over 10 years, mostly in Tokyo and in the Japanese Alps, around Matsumoto.

That's a big family you have there! My son and his mother (Japanese), still live near Tokyo. I got a kick out of your story about your kids not speaking English with you. My son and I skype each other all the time and he refuses to speak with me in English, but he understands everything. So, the conversation always ends up in Japanese, which is good for me, so I don't forget it.

So, are all the elementary schools now teaching English? When I was there, it hadn't made it that far down the system yet. I was there from '91 to 2001. Got there right when everything crashed.

Anyway, good luck with those kids. At least, you are teaching the ones still with a little enthusiasm. My experience was that in 7th grade they (90%) still liked learning English, by 8th grade only about 50% enjoyed it, and by 9th grade, they would have preferred to never hear the English word spoken again, and certainly not out of their own mouths.

Hope it is different for you. Yoroshiku!

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[A] made bed is the beginning for order and peace in the universe.

BYU-Hawaii Pres. Eric B. Shumway

Yep it get irritating speaking English and getting answered in Japanese. I have threatened them, bribed them etc. But it just doesn't work.

The government started pushing English in Elementary school a few years ago but it is still not an "official" part of the curriculum. So there is no text or anything. I have to create all of my own lesson plans and it is a pain at times. I teach 1st grade to 6th grade and as you stated the older they get the less genki they are about studying English. But it is still class by class.
It is not too bad over all as I get all of the school holidays off which amounts to about 10 weeks a year.

I actually have only been to Tokyo once. I live in the Kansai area in Hyogo prefecture. I actually live on Awaji Island. Some of you may remember the big earthquake in 95 in Kobe. The epicenter was actually on Awaji. I moved here about 3 months after the quake.

Take care

Well, no reason to be in Tokyo, when you can be on Awaji. Nice place. I use to sneak on to the bullet train from Tokyo, all the way to Osaka, for free. (Don't think the scam works anymore, but it was nice then.)

I made it to Awaji only once. Anyway, all the best to you in Japan. I miss the sushi. Can't find good sushi here in Germany, at least where I am. Fake Vietnamese stuff. It must be great on the island there.

_________________
[A] made bed is the beginning for order and peace in the universe.

BYU-Hawaii Pres. Eric B. Shumway