Further Light and Knowledge

I know. When he told me he would feel better if DH "didn't know" about us and he wanted me "to himself" I just thought, "wtf?" and I knew it was time to close it off. People are just so funny sometimes. I think the real problem is when we are not honest with ourselves.

I also don't understand that whole "ownership" thing some people do with their intimate partners. Whatever. I'll tell ya, if anything happened DH I would be VERY reluctant to remarry. I think it's really hard to find someone with whom you can live and enjoy day to day.

Wait, he'd feel better if your DH didn't know about the two of you? Holy hell, the WHOLE POINT was that you all would be friends and such. Did he think you were going to hit him hard enough in the head to make him forget?

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Sometimes I make my kids wear sombreros and scuba fins around the house. Not because there is any reason. I just want to teach them obedience.--Darth J

This made me lol...thanks!

I dunno, how do you close that door once it's open? The only way would be for me to have lied to DH, which I told SO I wouldn't do....another point to what we were doing was that there was no deception and no guilt (that part was good, lol) and, therefore, no hard feelings (pardon the pun!). But who knew the SO would have problems with it? And you know, from what I've seen secrets like that have a nasty way of coming out at the worst times. So I read once that Americans are more comfortable cheating than in an open or poly relationship and I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't lived it, but it seems to be true.

One of the tricky things about open relationships is that our bodies release occitonin (sp?) during sex that bonds us to our partners, and that's both men and women. It may be annoying to you, but it's understandable that someone would have feelings for you after some time having sex with you.

I have a rule of not having sex with partnered people for that very reason, because the last thing I want is to fall in love with yet another unavailable man.

On the other hand, my ex and I went through a year of openness. It was stressful on our relationship for other reasons, but I didn't find myself having feelings for people outside our relationship. Maybe, then, the key is to have extracurricular sex with someone in another open relationship? I dunno. Really, all you can do is take it as it comes and make adjustments for what works with who you are and who you are with (which it sounds like you've done).

Hi, Cumom! I was hoping you'd post on this.

It wasn't the feelings he had for me that were "annoying", but he knew the conditions beforehand, agreed to them and then wanted to change the agreement between he and I (and actually, the three of us were involved in the relationship dynamic and not just the two of us) behind my DH's back. That was what was not "okay" with me. If we were going to make any changes and go from the three of us back to two of us (and different two, at that!) the ethical thing would have been to include everyone in the discussion and go from there.

Of course then we would have had the added unpleasantness of having "winners" and "losers", which was something we were really trying to avoid doing things the way we did them.

I've heard about those chemicals being released and yes, I had feelings for him (I still do) but they were different from the ones I had, and--this sounds rude--not as strong or enduring as the ones I had/have for DH.

Hi Susan!

Killers: denied.

TTTTTHHHHHRRRREADDDDDDD........................










































killed.

http://boingboing.net/images/naked-people-and-ship.jpg

at first i thought it was killable, then i realized it will really do nothing more than wake dumpster dolittle from his slumber. its off to the killing zone again.

nsfw picture changed to link by moderator

Jealousy is an emotion. It's not something that you can control and predict.

Informed consent is a good thing but it's probably not an effective remedy in your situation.

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Love before loyalty, people before the organization, and principle before the tribe.
Main Street Plaza

I'm pretty good at killing threads. Let me try.

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Insert deep/clever/thought provoking quote here.

God, ME. People could get in some serious shit at work with pictures like that on here....

Okay, so I decided to bitch about it in an attempt to kill the thread....

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Sometimes I make my kids wear sombreros and scuba fins around the house. Not because there is any reason. I just want to teach them obedience.--Darth J

Hi, WC!

And Hellmut, I know what you are saying. At least it didn't get ugly, we quietly parted ways and nobody felt they had to move (we live in the same building). So in some ways it went smoother than many other "tries" I had heard about.

ME, that made me laugh.

How did a nice phallic conversation turn into mention of my chest. That's just wrong.

But triplets sounds good to me! (nods to SML and Susan)

Sorry about your deal, Susan. Complications can only arise from such arrangements. In the end, I prefer simplicity. It's less heartbreaking that way.

Big green hugs,

froggie

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"Mormon culture is a combination of well-intentioned naïveté, the Stepford Wives, and the Holy Inquisition." ~Dr.Todd Ormsbee
http://froggey.wordpress.com

Froggie, you have a very nice chest that would easily bear more exposure....teehee.

You know, the more I think about what happened I remember a friend telling me that with the expectation of monogamy in our society (US) he was of the opinion that being poly and having it be successful for all parties would be difficult on many levels (not unlike being gay 50 years ago, for instance).

I know of some people who are in poly or triadic arrangements and they seem to be "working" fine. I'm not sure what the secret to success is, but I'm really okay that it didn't work the way I had hoped. I think our current society's expectations/non-acceptance was a big factor in this case (that and the young man's family and his fears about what they would think). It's definitely not an easy way to live or love.

I know it sounds trite and tired, but I have plenty of trouble living with the one woman I got. I'm seriously too stupid to deal with more than one woman.

To say nothing of the very real possibility that I have already found the only woman on the planet who thinks I'm good in bed. Or is at least willing to tell me that.









Thread Dom.... denied.

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will, he will be sure to repent.
-- Socrates