One of the tricky things about open relationships is that our bodies release occitonin (sp?) during sex that bonds us to our partners, and that's both men and women. It may be annoying to you, but it's understandable that someone would have feelings for you after some time having sex with you.
I have a rule of not having sex with partnered people for that very reason, because the last thing I want is to fall in love with yet another unavailable man.
On the other hand, my ex and I went through a year of openness. It was stressful on our relationship for other reasons, but I didn't find myself having feelings for people outside our relationship. Maybe, then, the key is to have extracurricular sex with someone in another open relationship? I dunno. Really, all you can do is take it as it comes and make adjustments for what works with who you are and who you are with (which it sounds like you've done).
Hi, Cumom! I was hoping you'd post on this.
It wasn't the feelings he had for me that were "annoying", but he knew the conditions beforehand, agreed to them and then wanted to change the agreement between he and I (and actually, the three of us were involved in the relationship dynamic and not just the two of us) behind my DH's back. That was what was not "okay" with me. If we were going to make any changes and go from the three of us back to two of us (and different two, at that!) the ethical thing would have been to include everyone in the discussion and go from there.
Of course then we would have had the added unpleasantness of having "winners" and "losers", which was something we were really trying to avoid doing things the way we did them.
I've heard about those chemicals being released and yes, I had feelings for him (I still do) but they were different from the ones I had, and--this sounds rude--not as strong or enduring as the ones I had/have for DH.